“Where has the fun gone in sex’? I feel concerned that it’s all about performance rather than having a giggle between the sheets (like when I was a teenager).”
Where has all the fun gone in sex is a fabulous question.
There is one simple answer.
Drum roll please.
Curiosity.
If we’d like to bring back the fun, curiosity is the needed ingredient. Sometimes over familiarity with our partner makes us complacent to learn new things about them. Sometimes we’re just too knackered to be playful and we go to our known ‘techniques’.
Get curious with your partner. Start a conversation with them (outside of the bedroom) and say that you’d like to bring more play or silliness or whatever it is that you desire into your lovemaking.
If you feel your bedroom time has become performance oriented, get curious about this too. Is it because you’re both tired so you’re just ‘getting it done’? Would it be helpful to set time aside to create ‘sex labs’ to try new things where there is no end goal just having fun? Could you have sexy time where penetration or orgasming are off the table? Would introducing a new toy shake things up?
Curiosity does not attack or blame or shame. It is a genuine interest in the other and what the other is feeling. Curiosity doesn’t kill the cat, it makes the pussy purr.
Ask the Sex Coach is a feature offered by our in house sex coach Jamie Abrams. She is the founder of the Academy for Intimacy where she helps partnerships mature into erotically alive relationships. You can anonomously submit your questions here: https://forms.gle/3zbn13SSztvseXKo8.
